"Chavit Singson? The Jueteng Lord?
He is now the deputy national security adviser?

I pity this country. I'll go on leave tomorrow to apply for a Schengen visa so I could just stay in Switzerland."

~Inday talking to her amo upon hearing news of GMA's Latest appointment. ~
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COMEDIAN QUIP:
"Gay people invented sports. Think about it....
Boxing: two topless men, in silk shorts... fighting over a belt."

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Juan: Pare, ano baon mo ngayon?
Jose: FILLET ALA EL NINO.
Juan: Wow! Ang sarap! Ano yun?

Jose: TUYO.
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"I may not look hot enough for you. But I dare you... Lend me your skin to feel my hotness from within."
~KALDERo. Isang malandi at kerengken na kaldero.~
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Sa simbahan may, may batang nagdarasal himihingi ng bike kay God.

BATA: Lord, bigyan mo ako ng bike!

Kinabukasan wala syang natanggap na bike kaya hingi sya ulit.

BATA: Lord, bigyan nyo ako ng bike hah!

Pero wala pa ding natatanggap. Kinabukasan napansin ng pari na wala na ang rebulto ni Mama Mary. Nakita na lang nya ay isang liham.

"Lord, kung gusto nyo pa makita ang nanay mo, ibigay mo sa akin ang bike."

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More Jokes from Tonyo

Apo: Look at those boats, Lolo!

Lolo: Amazing , di ba, Iho? They are called yacths.

Apo: Yacths? How do you spell it, Lolo?

Lolo: You're right, Iho. They are boats.

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Modern thinkers now believe that Adam and Eve were Filipinos.

Why?

Because thet had no house, no jobs, nothing decent to wear, no rice and yet still they multiplied!

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Tatay: Anak, bakla ka ba?

Anak: Opo.

(Sabay lubog sa mukha ng anak sa harina)

Tatay: Ano? Ngayon, lalaki ka na ba?

Anak: Geisha na po.

(Nagalit ang tatay sabay nilubog ang mukha sa baldeng puno ng tubig.)

Tatay: Ngayon, ano ka na? Sagot!

Anak: Dyesabel na po!

(Nagalit lalo ang tatay, kaya pinaso nya ito ng plantsa sa hanggang ito'y mangitim)

Tatay: *$&@)(Q@ ka! Ano ka na ngayon ?

Anak: Ako na po si Beyonce.....

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According to pulse Asia, Pinoys are generally satisfied with GMA's programs.

When asked what program they enjoyed most, the respondents said: Dyesabel.

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Dating Daan- Ely Soriano...

Tamang Daan- Inglesia ni Kristo...

Dalawang Daan- Chairman Abalos...

Di ko Matandaan- Romy Neri.

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In the US, they have Bill Clinton, Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, Stevie wonder, Condoleeza Rice.

Sa Pinas, we have no bills, no cash, no hope, no wonder... and No rice!

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Boyfriend: Last night on our anniversary, my girlfriend demanded that I take her someplace expensive.

So I took her to a gas station!

Nagalit sya. Mali ba yung ginagawa ko? O dapat sa bigasan ko na lang sya dinala?

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Si "Gas" at "Pamasahe" nag-uusap...

Pamasahe: Dahil sa yo... natuto akong magmahal.

Napapanahong loveteam....

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Mga Kongresista pina-iimbistigahan ang PAGASA.

Gusto raw ng mga politiko na makihati sa .... LAGAY ng panahon.

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Angel: GMA, inutusan ako ilord para ipaalam sayo na hanggang bukas na lang ang buhay mo.

GMA: Eto ang pera, sabihin mo kay lord, hindi tayo nagkita ha, ok?

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Dad: Gabi na! bakit ngayon ka lang umuwi?

Anak: Not now, I'm tired... daming projects, daming event sa school, nag-meeting pa kami with the dean....

Dad: Magtigil ka! Kinder ka pa lang!

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Husband: Do you have any idea what would happen to you if I die?

Wife: I might also die.

Husband (blushes): Why?

Wife: Sometimes, too much hapiness can cause death.

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One orgasm releases 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 sperm cells yet only 1 meet up with the ovum.

Yan, yan and SYSTEMS LOST!

Yan ang dapat ginamit ni Judai na example