Financial crisis

Reporter: Kung magsasara po ang mga banko dahil sa financial crisis ano po maipapayo nyo?

Gonzales: Ay sus, no problem yan, eh di mag_ATM na lang tayo di ba?

(Hay, go jump in the lake...)

Surgery

Things you don't want to hear during your own surgery:

> San yung gunting na bago? Bat may kalawang ito?

> 10 ml? May nakasurvive na ba dyan? Sabi ko 5ml lang!

>Doc, ubos na po ang anesthesia.

> Kanina pa bukas yung tiyan nyan. Asan yung pantahi.

>Sunog! Sunog! Labas lahat.

SARI-SARING TAWA

Holdaper: Akin na pera mo!

Biktima: Di mo ba ako kilala? Congressman ako!

Holdaper: Ganun ba? O sige, akin na pera namin!

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Kung gagawa ka ng isang bagay na di pa naiimbento, ano yun?

"Ako? Gagawa ako ng REDHORSE CAPSULE 500mg! Isang tableta lang, sapul agad! Ito ang tama! "

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Son: Tay, penge ng benchingko.

Tatay: Anak, ayuson mo, vente y singko.

Son: Vente y singko.

Tatay: Hay, sige, kunin mo don sa CORNFURST ko.
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Si Pedro nakapulot ng magic lamp....

Genie: Hohoho! Bibigyan kia ng 3 kahilingan.

Pedro: 1. Gusto kong tumira sa malaking bahay.
2. Gusto kong pumuti ang complexion ko.
3. Gusto ko lahat ng babaeng makakita sa akin ay maghuhubad ng panty at papatong sa akin.

smoke, smoke, smoke...... si Pedro ay naging

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Woman carrying sick baby to the doctor.

Doc: Is he breastfed or bottlefed?

Woman: Breastfed po, Doc.

Doc squeezes woman's breast)

Doc: That's why he's sick,, you don't have milk.

Woman: Yaya ako , Doc. YAYA!
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Fluent ka ba sa English?

Read the following aloud:
Wolf
Woof
Warp
Roof
Ruff
Raft
Work
Wart
Worth
Wharf

Test result: Good dog! O stop barking na...!

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Learn Japanese: a drink before you go- TOMA KAMUNA

Have a drink before you go- TOMAKAMUNA

That was my assumption- INAKARAKO

Let's go quicky.- BATCHI NA TAYO

We will boycott the elcton- KAMI NOBOTO.

I give up- SUKONAKO.

What a sad life it is.- HAINAKU.

I am going to leave you.- SAWANAKO.

I lab u2

A girl was in love with an ugly man. Her friend asked her. "Why him?"

Then the girl replied immediately, "Haler?! Di ka ba nanood ng Beauty and the Beast? poging-pogi din sya!"

The guy heard this and he said, "Tnagek! napanood mo ba yung Sherk? Papangit ka rin noh."

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What is the definition of "Burning Love"?

It is when you reach out for the KY Jelly and ppick up Bengay by mistake!

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PEDRO: Niloko yung tindera kanina.

JUAN: Paano?

PEDRO: Nagpaload ako eh wala naman akong cellphone....

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TEACHER: Ano ang pinakamalakas na bagyo?

PEDRO: Tukso po.

TEACHER: Bakit Tukso?

PEDRO: Kasi kayraming winasak na tahanan.

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A Handsome hunk strips in front of a nun to tempt her. D nun closed er eyes and prayed....

"Bless me oh Lord and this thy gift, which i am about to recieve....

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GF: (Texting) Ayoko na sa iyo! Leche ka! Break na tayo!

BF: (Reply) Ha? Bakit? Ano ba problema? Ano ba kasalanan ko?

GF: Ay sorry Honey. Wrong send! Love you.

BF: Akala ko kung ano na... Love you 2.

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Hindi naman ako tubig.... pero bakit ang daming uhaw sa akin??????

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Wife dreaming in the middle og the night suddenly shouts, "Quick my husband is back!"

Man gets up, jumps out the window and realizes, "Damn, I'm the husband."

Who's guilty?
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May nakapagsabi na ba sa yong ang cute mo?

Kung wala pa....

Wala tayong magagawa.....

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When a judge makes love to a woman, it's called HONORABLE DISCHARGE.
and
When a legislator does it, it's called CONGRESSIONAL INSERTION.
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Sa party nilapitan ng isang gwapong lalaki ang isang babae.

Man: Miss, sasayaw ka ba?

Tuwang-tuwa ang babae na tumayo.

Miss: Yes!

Man: Buti naman, paupo ha!
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Sweethearts watching the sky....

Girl: Hon, ano ang horoscope mo?

Boy: Anong horoscope?

Girl: parang kapalaran ba, gaya sa akin, cancer.

Boy: Ah, sa akin almoranas.